You, of all people caught my eye. Sigh. I wanna be skinny. Be tall. Have long legs. Have fair flawless skin. Have no more stretch marks. Be intelligent. Have good figure. None of them is attainable.

Haha. I didn’t realist how childish I was. What was Aloysius? Naive of me. Bygones be bygones. Maybe we are just fateless. I really liked you. You were the first to elicit some kind of feeling from me to a guy. Nowadays I just kinda get turned off by frogs lusting for the swan’s. You liked me when I was at my worst. I had no reason to doubt you. Too bad it all started too late. I’ve moved on. I have liked someone, got over someone. Had my heart broken. Had it died. Had it restarted. I am stronger. I will be stronger. I will find someone better. Someone who won’t remind me of A won’t remind me of B. With B, too many moments. Too many coincidence. Too much gazing into each other eyes. I know you’re loyal. So I blame him for what’s had happened. Blame him for liking me. Oh fuck. I am turned off man. Yucks at the thought of him. I am tired. Love is nothing. Studies is everything. Education is the future. I moved on. I wish both of you lead a happy life. (:

SSC camp & saw A at the doorstep. Coincidence. Then looked over and saw you looking at me, smug. Then your play dodgeball while I go play pingpong. Then… your guys netball, I bball. Picked up ball as it rolls towards me. You ask me take and said thankyou. Then proceed to ignore me. Then only got to see you leaving school w/ Angeline to buy bbtea. Then your sat tgt and talked and were unseperable from ea other since then. she wud talk to you and you to her and you and her pingpong tgt, eat tgt, play finger games tgt. We presented our skit and i saw you rub your eyes (good evalution) then she went home. then we clean up, art rm see picture, then bath everything, finish, gg up, see you w/ dan c. then u look at me, and pretend never see but dan c. look at me then at you to see if u looking. then sleep lor. next morning, u wake up then stare. i pretend nvr see lor then saw u looking @ ur hp lying down. betcha aqngeline smsing u/ maybe u checking time but, idiot right. then ur byebye, assemble foyer, keep staring agn but srs.

Have you been this afraid? I really don’t understand what I am going through. How can someone want somebody, not love them but want them to be theirs all the same, yet feels nothing for the other party but just wants an empty claim that someone’s yours to keep yet… Ugh. You know.

But it looks like I am being selfish and I am. But what else could I do? I couldn’t make myself fall in love with you again. We had been walking in circles for sometime, it’s time that we head for the finish line. I am sorry, truly sorry.

I can’t bring myself to love you in vain anymore, not especially when you are leavig us with nothing to reminisce and remember. I can’t live like this but I am so afraid of moving on, but holding to something that isn’t real is harder than letting go and yet…

I have to decide. Sometimes I think of you so much, I dream of you in every dreams and picture us together.

Farewell. It’s enough.